Very recently, I began to investigate this topic. A pamphlet at church from Celebrate Recovery provided a list of symptoms. Internet articles gave more clues. Everyone seems to have codependency but no one really knows what it is. Hint - it's not in the DSM-5. Here's a list of patterns and characteristics from Codependents Anonymous: https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/
Another article discussed one certain question that floured me: why do you stay in a dysfunctional relationship, try too hard and tolerating ugly, inappropriate behavior? Yes, I've been asked that question before. Another article stated that if you're in a relationship with a known codependent, you probably have it yourself. Ok, I was paying attention at that point.
- Where did it begin? Childhood. And no, this isn't going to be a litany of who I can blame. I adopted behavior out of what I thought was survival and carried it into adulthood. So if you suspect this might be you, process your own junk. It's your responsibility.
- Traits/patterns of interest---
- Perceive oneself as unselfish but being very self-centered.
- Lacking empathy
- Won't accept help from others
- Hard time admitting mistakes
- Mask pain with anger, humor, or isolation
- Rage, criticism, harshness when angry
- Low self-esteem
- Stifling control issues, use blame and shame, refuse to compromise, judge harshly, withhold expressions of appreciation.
- Refuse to let God be first.
- Jekyll and Hyde behavior is particularly disturbing.
Melody Beattie writes Codependent No More - how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself. Dr Henry Cloud also has a helpful resource at boundaries.me. For $9 per month, you get access to tons of stuff. I highly recommend it.
This is the first of many posts about this topic, faith and life. I hope you will share and subscribe. Blessings.
*my spell check button seems to have disappeared. Be patient with any typos and leave me a heads up in the comments. I'll fix it.
