Written by guest contributor and licensed therapist...
The Struggle Is Real And There Is Hope
Needing to use social distancing and or shelter in place is causing many people, including myself, to examine their lives. Asking questions like who, what, when, where, and why are people or places really important to us. This reflection can bring very good and loving memories and for some not so good memories. The purpose of this blog today is to offer Hope, peace of mind, and unfathomable Love.
This blog has been focusing on behaviors that are considered Codependent. Honestly, the name doesn't really matter. What does matter is recognizing any behaviors that are causing problems at work, at home, in school, or with family and relationships. The problems are severe and can end up being a loss that is painful. What are the intense dysfunctional behaviors (Find the list here (https://okcrecovery.com/welcom/codependency/)? The Bible tells us when we are doing things to ease our anxiety and fear of man we are idolizing and that is sin. Usually, the codependent behaviors are things we catch ourselves doing and hate ourselves for it. Yelling at your spouse, controlling everything your kids or family do, perfectionism, keeping a watch on things at work to make sure they have what they need and do not get frustrated. These behaviors started as a way to survive when the people in the world around you were mean, scary, abusive, dysfunctional and not reliable. The motivation, at the time, was self-protection and we could only depend upon ourselves because usually other people didn't know what was happening. We focused on others and this caused our fear of people to decrease if we did things a certain way. The Bible calls this idolatry; sin. We did what we had to do to get the protection we needed from others. That is not the case now!
The anger, resentment, people-pleasing, bossiness, perfectionism, putting other's needs before our own, being critical, etc., does not have to continue. It is exhausting, painful, and causes stress and illness to constantly engage in any of these behaviors. In addition, it is putting people before God. I don't know about you, but I can relate to Romans 7:18-23 when Paul talks about doing what he doesn't want to do and not doing what he wants. He says there is a way out. As a believer in Jesus Christ, codependency does not need to keep ruining your life! It's not "ruining" my life you say? Are you filled with joy, not happiness, but true internal peace and joy?
I said at the beginning of this blog that I would give you Hope.
I believe the answer lies in the motivation for engaging in self-protecting codependency. I personally was prompted by the Holy Spirit today when I began writing this blog to use what I am asking you to use now. I was writing to impress others and wanting approval. I had to repent, pray, and completely rewrite what God laid on my heart to write. The war within each of us is real! The Great news is we have the Holy Spirit to prompt us to change.
1. First acknowledge your behavior as sin. If unsure what you are doing, look at this site again (https://okcrecovery.com/welcom/codependency/) ;
2. Repent of the sin.
3. Trust God to be working in you. This is not a one time shot and we are done. It's daily and hourly.
4. Examine your motives. (1 Cor 10:31) Answering these three questions will help (From, When God is Small and People are Big, Ed Welch).
- Ask what do I need? Do I need to have the other person do what I want in order to decrease my fear?
- Who or what controls you? Are there people or events that leave you drained or angry?
- Where do you put your trust? I found that I wasn't trusting Jesus, I was trusting in a person.
You are forgiven and Christ paid the penalty for all! We can live with peace that passes all understanding!If you have questions or would like to pray or find support please feel free to write a message below.
