How Could I Have Missed This?

For my church family, friends in recovery, and those who know me - it would appear we have a spiritual problem.  The last several months have been an amazing journey filled with trials - joy, tears, heartache and blessing.

Background - All the things I'll mention here are not new.  Apparently all this stuff has been rattling around in my head for some time.  Hence, the title...

• A recent sermon on Matthew 14 where Peter walks on the water.  
• John Ortberg's book - "If you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat"
• Dating someone who's codependent and discovering that I have some of those traits.
• Reading a list of codependency symptoms - one of which was:  why do you stay in relationships too long and try so hard when the evil twin shows up and the crap show starts?  
• A pastor friend who struggles with alcohol and is told he has a spiritual problem...
• A recent church video about love being the antidote.  But is that really the answer?
• A moving video this morning on Psalm 23.

Oh you of little faith:  read Matthew 14:22-36 and you'll see how it's so easy for us to lose Jesus in life's daily storms.

Application:  so if you're struggling today with some sort of hurt, habit or hangup, and we all know we do, the answer is Jesus.  Could the key be something as simple as more FAITH?  God can't be first with you on the throne...now what?

The next step:  for me it's to confess and ask God's forgiveness.  I don't pretend to know nor advise you on what you need to do.  God will show you in His Word.

Another Piece of the Puzzle

Another piece of the puzzle is revealed in the linked article:

For those struggling with codependency - excellent article.  Straightforward and concise.  Are you the giver or the taker?

https://time.com/5349927/codependent-relationship-signs/?fbclid=IwAR3U7lFCqWcBH-xjmFPFD_vLXume8ZhhUawxrimFl5oWR4BC2uc1d_W0n_g

Trivia - the bloom of the daylily, pictured above, last for one day.

The Dumpster Fire of Codependency

Very recently, I began to investigate this topic.  A pamphlet at church from Celebrate Recovery provided a list of symptoms.  Internet articles gave  more clues.  Everyone seems to have codependency but no one really knows what it is.  Hint - it's not in the DSM-5.  Here's a list of patterns and characteristics from Codependents Anonymous:  https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Another article discussed one certain question that floured me:  why do you stay in a dysfunctional relationship, try too hard and tolerating ugly, inappropriate behavior?  Yes, I've been asked that question before.  Another article stated that if you're in a relationship with a known codependent, you probably have it yourself.  Ok, I was paying attention at that point.

• Where did it begin?  Childhood.  And no, this isn't going to be a litany of who I can blame.  I adopted behavior out of what I thought was survival and carried it into adulthood.  So if you suspect this might be you, process your own junk.  It's your responsibility.

• Traits/patterns of interest---

1. Perceive oneself as unselfish but being very self-centered.
2. Lacking empathy
3. Won't accept help from others
4. Hard time admitting mistakes
5. Mask pain with anger, humor, or isolation
6. Rage, criticism, harshness when angry
7. Low self-esteem
8. Stifling control issues, use blame and shame, refuse to compromise, judge harshly, withhold expressions of appreciation.
9. Refuse to let God be first.
10. Jekyll and Hyde behavior is particularly disturbing.

I'll stop here.  There is plenty more but my heart hurts.  How does one peel a rotten onion?  Hopefully you now understand the title?

Melody Beattie writes Codependent No More - how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.  Dr Henry Cloud also has a helpful resource at boundaries.me.  For $9 per month, you get access to tons of stuff.  I highly recommend it.

This is the first of many posts about this topic, faith and life.  I hope you will share and subscribe.  Blessings.
*my spell check button seems to have disappeared.  Be patient with any typos and leave me a heads up in the comments.  I'll fix it.